Are you dating a Flight Attendant or wondering what to expect when you date a Flight Attendant?! The thought of dating a Flight Attendant can be quite intriguing, and of course just like whilst dating a Pilot there are many great and exciting things about dating a Flight Attendant, there are also several challenges you need to be aware of. If you can learn to overcome these obstacles and commit to make it work however, it can make for a really wonderful, exciting and healthy partnership! Let’s look at the pros and cons, as well as what it really takes to date a Flight Attendant!
PROS OF DATING A FLIGHT ATTENDANT:
You’ll be able to travel a lot (and for cheap!)
If you love to travel then dating or marrying an Airline Stewardess/Steward means that you’ll be able to travel a lot! Plus of course working in aviation Flight Attendants and their partners have access to heavily reduced price airline tickets. So take advantage of this and take spontaneous trips to far-away destinations at a fraction of the price you would normally pay for an air fare! Plus you may be lucky to sometimes travel in Business Class when you fly so you can really travel in style!
Flight Attendants are spontaneous people!
Dating a Flight Attendant is certainly not dull! I had so many moments as a Flight Attendant where I just decided on days off that I would fly somewhere that morning. I would head to the airport, see what spaces were available on the next flight to anywhere, and that was it, off I went! Being able to fly somewhere last minute for so cheap certainly keeps life very exciting! Having this flexibility and luxury makes many Flight Attendants very adventurous and spontaneous, and unafraid to do things without a plan, so be prepared for adventures!
Flight Attendants have a crazy life and most of them just love this bizarre lifestyle that most other people cannot get their heads around!
You can join them on their layovers
Many people who are married to or dating Cabin Crew will sometimes join them on their overnight trips, especially if it is a long layover of two nights or more. If you have a flexible lifestyle (self-employed, get lots of time off work or are financially secure enough to not have to work), joining your Flight Attendant partner on their work trips is a great way to understand their lifestyle more, as well as being able to spend more time together and travel together.
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CONS OF DATING A FLIGHT ATTENDANT:
You will spend a lot of time apart
Flight Attendants learn how to be independent and how to do things alone (such as how to eat alone in a restaurant) – they have to in order to succeed at this job and this lifestyle as they are often away from their friends and families for days at a time.
Working as a Flight Attendant is never a 9-5 job, not even for Flight Attendants who operate solely short-haul or domestic flights. Being in a relationship with a short-haul Flight Attendant (who operates mostly turnarounds, comes home most days and doesn’t have layovers in different destinations often) can be a little easier than being in a relationship with a long-haul Flight Attendant as they will be home slightly more, but still you will spend a considerable amount of time apart. Particularly if you are thinking of having children with a Flight Attendant, you will have to consider if this is something you will be okay with.
Flight Attendants work long hours and are often away for several days at a time
Flight Attendants who fly international and long-haul flights will regularly have overnight layovers in the cities they fly to, meaning they can often be away for 3 or 4 nights at a time. If your partner is an International Flight Attendant, expect them to be away at least half the week.
Short-haul Flight Attendants will still work long hours – often operating 3 or 4 flights per day which means they can easily work a 12 hour day before coming home and going straight to bed as they have a long duty again the next day.
Also Flight Attendants will often operate night flights and very early morning flights so they will have irregular sleeping schedules, often sleeping in the day to recover from a night flight or to prepare for a subsequent night duty or very early morning flight.
For many people, this lack of routine can really be a dealbreaker and too hard for them to have a serious lack of routine, and can ultimately signify the end of a relationship.
Their Cabin Crew roster (work schedule) can often change very last minute
As a partner to a Flight Attendant you often have to compromise and accept that sometimes their schedule can change very last minute and there is nothing they can do about it. Sometimes there is a problem with the aircraft when they land outstation, meaning they have to unexpectedly stay there overnight as opposed to coming back home as was initially planned.
Or for example if they are rostered to standby or reserve, meaning they have to wait at home or in the airport to be called for a flight last minute, then they may have very little notice to prepare for a flight and they may end up being away for several days. You need to accept this comes with the job, their schedule is totally unpredictable and you can’t let it upset you if plans change. You need to adapt and be prepared and flexible with any plans you may have made.
Flight Attendants are known for not being punctual, and sometimes having to make last minute cancellations, but usually through no fault of their own due to those last minute dreaded ‘roster changes’. Whilst it is often disappointing when plans change last minute and your partner suddenly isn’t able to attend, you can’t take it out on your Flight Attendant partner. You have to accept they generally have no control over their roster, and often plans will be made last minute.
If this is something that is going to upset you every time it happens and you end up blaming your partner, chances are that the relationship is not going to last. Flight Attendants need supportive partners who accept this comes with the territory of being Cabin Crew. Of course you are allowed to be disappointed, but just reassure your Flight Attendant partner that you understand the decision was out of their hands. Believe me, as Flight Attendants having to miss important events it can be so sad for us, so don’t make it worse and make us feel guilty about it.
Your Flight Attendant partner may not always get special occasions off
Flights operate every single day of the year. There is no ‘pubic holiday’ where Flights Attendants get a guaranteed day off. In fact, the holidays are the busiest periods for Flight Attendants, so they will more likely than not be working around Christmas. Of course they can request to have special days off, but usually as they don’t get their roster until a few days beforehand, they will never know if they will have birthdays or Christmas off. This just goes with the territory of the job.
As the partner of a Flight Attendant you need to be flexible to their schedule. You need to be ok with not always having a routine. Understand this is absolutely not a regular job. Your partner won’t know their schedule from one month to the next, sometimes not even from one week to the next.
Flight Attendants don’t automatically get weekends or public holidays off like normal people who work standard 9-5 jobs. Not only will they work on weekends and special holidays often, but regularly they will work night flights, meaning they will need to get rest in the day so you will need to be understanding of this.
Apart from their pre-arranged Annual Leave vacation time, Flight Attendants will never 100% know until a few weeks beforehand what days they will have off in any given week, making it hard to plan for birthdays, weddings and special events. They can request a specific date off but there is no guarantee they will get it. You need to be flexible with this and understand that they may miss important celebrations. This is out of their control and there is very little they can do to change it. If your partner is flying on a special day (Christmas, birthday etc), you will just have to celebrate it another day instead when you are both off work.
Your partner isn’t contactable for hours at a time when they are working
Often you won’t be able to get hold of your Flight Attendant girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse when they are on duty and there could be many reasons why. The most obvious one being that during flight they won’t be able to call you.
Also delays can often happen before the plane takes off and so Flight Attendants are busy trying to sort out problems and look after the guests. Remember Flight Attendants have a very important and often stressful job so they may be preoccupied with their work tasks that they forget to check their phone or to message you and tell you they will be delayed.
After the flight they may be unable to message you right away when they get to a foreign country as they may not have an international SIM on their phone or by the time they get to the hotel room and connect to the hotel wifi they are either so tired they just need to sleep, or it is a completely different time zone to you and it may not be a favourable time to call you.
Staff Travel isn’t always guaranteed
Note that when flying on staff travel that your seat isn’t always guaranteed if the flight is looking full! You need to be able to handle the pressure of maybe not getting on a flight – ask your Flight Attendant partner to explain this well to you so you truly understand the situation.
When your Flight Attendant partner invites you on trips with them, they’ll most likely be taking a mental note of how you behave on the plane, how you treat the Cabin Crew, how you react to plans changing unexpectedly, how you handle long haul flights and how you react when staff travel doesn’t always work out. Flight Attendants definitely don’t want to be dating someone who is showing them up or causing more stress by making drama about everything and getting upset when things don’t go exactly to plan.
Your Flight Attendant partner will need time to adjust after flights
I’m sure you remember the feeling after you get off a long flight. You feel tired and gross right? And you were just sat in a chair the whole time, probably just snoozing and watching Netflix. Now imagine if that whole flight you actually had to tend to everyone’s needs and put on a smiley face, even to the most annoying passengers.
Often when your Flight Attendant partner will get home from a flight all they need is to rest. And whilst you may have been bored all week waiting for them to return so you can wine and dine them, respect that their job can be exhausting, not just on their mind – dealing with the general public, but on their body with jet lag, sleep deprivation, swollen ankles and throbbing feet etc. All these disruptions to our body can seriously lower energy levels.
Whilst it’s a lovely thought that you want to spend time with your Flight Attendant partner the minute they walk through the door, don’t rely on them as your entertainment. We’ve been entertaining people for hours. Sometimes all we need are our pyjamas, bed, a dark room and Netflix. Our faces physically hurt from all the smiling, our voices even sometimes hurt from talking so much and our mood is all over the place. We are just done with human interactions. No offence.
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DATING A FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Misconceptions about dating Cabin Crew:
Flight Attendants are ‘easy’
This is one assumption and stereotype that sadly many people have about Crew, whether they are female or male Flight Attendants. I even used to have so-called best friends who would assume just because I had got a job as a Flight Attendant that suddenly I must have a lover in every city. Like it was a requirement to be a Flight Attendant. Seriously.
I’m sure there are some crew who like to have a different partner in every destination they go to. Due to the nature of the job it is totally possible! And whilst some people may want that, the majority of Flight Attendants are just like anybody else, and all they want is to meet their soulmate, their other half – someone to share their life with and have a loving, honest relationship. Yes, Flight Attendants are actually normal people with feelings and dreams to grow old with someone and all too!
In fact you will find plenty people who aren’t Flight Attendants are easy and have several partners on the go. So don’t tar everyone with the same brush. Just because someone isn’t a Flight Attendant does it mean they are more promiscuous or likely to have several partners on the go at the same time.
Flight Attendants are all in the Mile High Club
If you ask us about the Mile High Club on our first few dates, chances are that you’ll never hear from us again. We know Cabin Crew get a bad name, but please save us from these degrading cliches. Don’t ask us about the Mile High Club and if we have joined it.
I’m telling you – after seeing the kind of sh*t that goes down in those toilets and how filthy dirty they get (and how infrequently they get properly cleaned), there’s no way the majority of Flight Attendants would put themselves through that. Plus why would they risk their job for something like that? We work on airplanes every day, there is nothing remotely exciting or romantic about an airplane toilet.
Flight Attendants are professionals and it is their job to get you safely from A to B – they are not an object for you to fantasise over. Some people have strange fantasies and fetishes about Flight Attendant feet or about having sex with a Flight Attendant whilst wearing their Cabin Crew uniform. Whatever floats your boat, just know we most probably won’t want to be a part of this, especially on a first date. Bringing up all of these things on a first date just shows you aren’t interested in your Flight Attendant date as a person or as a potential partner, but rather you just see them as a sex object, and that’s a definite no.
Flight Attendants cheat on their partners
Just like everything in life, you cannot generalise. There are plenty faithful Flight Attendants and yes unfortunately there are plenty unfaithful Flight Attendants in this world.
When I worked as a Flight Attendant I came across my fair share of Flight Attendants who were in a relationship but still wanted to meet up with other people for the evening, as well as many decent Flight Attendants who loved and respected their partners and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise their relationship. Someone’s profession won’t determine whether they are going to cheat on their partner. Rather their morals, loyalty and respect they have for their partner will determine that.
Of course Flight Attendants are often in situations where it could be easy and tempting to cheat on their partner but it doesn’t mean they will and it doesn’t make it right to stereotype them all. In turn, you will find plenty men and women who cheat who aren’t Flight Attendants.
You also need to be aware that some people will see your partner in their Flight Attendant uniform and will often instantly be attracted to them. Some ‘gold-diggers’ may want to date a Flight Attendant in the hopes to experience living a life full of luxury travelling everywhere for cheap. Some people will even just try to get a Flight Attendant into bed just for the hell of it. If you trust your partner, trust that they will not risk your relationship for something meaningless with someone else.
Also, get ready for the unportable questions your friends and family may ask you, such as ‘do you trust him/her when she is away?’, ‘what if one of the Pilots tries it on with them?’ or ‘are they going to cancel last minute like always?’. These questions are bound to come if you have insensitive or ignorant friends or family, so just be prepared with an answer to shut them down.
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DATING A FLIGHT ATTENDANT
What It Takes To Date A Flight Attendant:
It Takes Two To Make A Relationship Work
Of course this applies to any relationship, but it especially applies when you are in a long distance relationship with a Flight Attendant. Flight Attendants can have the luxury to date whoever they want, from whatever city they want, and so many of them actually end up being in long distance relationships. And whilst maintaining a long distance with a Flight Attendant in some ways may be easier than dating a ‘regular’ person, as they have the flexibility to just hop on a plane whenever and for a very cheap price, and seeing as they travel all the time it really isn’t a big deal.
However, remember that Flight Attendant partners are still sacrificing their time – and often changing their schedules to make it work and to come and see you. And after they’ve been working on a plane for several hours, sometimes going back onto a plane as a passenger is something they don’t want to do – but they do it to make the effort and make the relationship work.
But. It always takes two to make a relationship work. And whilst your Flight Attendant partner is happy to sacrifice things to ensure you spend time together, they shouldn’t be the only one making sacrifices with their roster and the only one doing the travelling. You hopping on a plane and coming to see them, instead of vida versa, will honestly mean the world to them.
Nobody wants to feel like they are the only one putting the effort into the relationship, and Flight Attendants are no different. They put so much time and energy into their work travelling, and whilst it may seem a lot easier for them to travel than for you to, travelling constantly takes it’s toll. I’m sure you remember that groggy feeling you have when you get off flights. Flight Attendants aren’t immune to that just because they work in that environment and their body builds up a bit of resistance. Travelling whilst off-duty isn’t always easy for Flight Attendants, especially if flights are full and they are asked to give up their seat to a full-fare paying customer.
Flight Attendants live out of a suitcase half the time, which can really start to feel cumbersome after a while. By you taking the initiative and offering to be the one to travel sometimes, or being willing to change your schedule so you can maximise your days off together, that really shows your Flight Attendant partner that you understand their lifestyle, you respect their time and the need for their body to rest, and it shows how caring you are. Your Flight Attendant partner is absolutely going to remember this and be thankful for it.
That being said, it works both ways. Don’t feel like you are the one always compromising and that your Flight Attendant partner is using their job as an excuse to never be flexible. Give us some flexibility, but make sure we give it back, as you deserve it too! You don’t want to date someone who is only interested in looking after number one, and expects their partner to drop everything for them always as that relationship will never be equal and it’s always going to end with you feeling unappreciated.
You need to be okay with spending time alone whilst your Flight Attendant partner is away. If you are someone who doesn’t like to be away from your partner or you don’t like to be on your own a lot, perhaps having a partner who is a Flight Attendant may be quite hard at first. Don’t just sit at home waiting for your partner to come home – learn to be independent and fill up your time doing things you enjoy!
Try to make friends with other partners of Flight Attendants or Pilots as they will understand the lifestyle and how you feel and so can often be very supportive. You can also have girly nights together or celebrate special occasions together if both your partners are away at the same time. Don’t rely on your Flight Attendant partner for your social life: you need to create your own!
Make extra time for your hobbies and doing the things you love. Discover new passions. This will all help take your mind off being away from your partner a lot. Even when your partner does come home, remember that they may want some time alone or need to catch up on sleep, so if they are happy with it you can still do your regular hobbies/exercise classes etc – don’t feel like you need to drop everything the minute they come back through the door.
Sometimes you will have to relocate because of your partner’s job – your partner will be based out of a specific hub where their airline flies to and so will need to live fairly close to the airport which potentially for you means moving away from your home in order to be with them. Sometimes even your partner will be offered a flying job abroad and so you will both need to relocate and move far away from family and friends. Therefore it is very important to keep a close circle of family and friends that you can contact for support whenever you feel alone. At least you have the benefit of cheap air fare tickets so you can easily fly back to see your family and friends if you have a few days spare!
Trust is so important when you are dating/married to a Flight Attendant, especially a long-haul Flight Attendant who has lots of overnight stays in different destinations. You cannot constantly be on their back hassling them and quizzing them, fearing they are going to lie to you or cheat on you. YOU NEED TO TRUST THEM. If you can’t trust them, there is no point to the relationship.
Equally, they need to trust you at home by yourself. It works both ways.
Good communication is vital if you are in a relationship with a Flight Attendant as they will be away a lot. They will very rarely be contactable when they are in the sky (only some airlines have wifi onboard but usually the crew need to pay to access it) so you can go many hours without any form of communication, especially if there are delays or any problems onboard or with the aircraft.
That being said, with today’s technology it is easier than ever to stay in touch and so try to set the standard of getting your partner to message you once they have arrived to the hotel. If the time is convenient and you are awake, have a FaceTime, Skype or WhatsApp call, preferably video call – even if it’s just for a few minutes. If the time is not convenient, organise when you will have a call so at least once during their layover you can still talk face-to-face to each other and ensure a level of closeness in the relationship despite the distance currently between you. So long as there is good communication in the relationship you shouldn’t have reason to doubt what your partner is doing on their layovers.
If the level of communication starts to decrease and your partner doesn’t contact you as much as you would like, it can cause feelings of uncertainty and insecurity. Make sure to address these issues properly as the problem will only get bigger if not discussed. Checking in on your partner doesn’t mean you don’t trust them, but rather is simply a healthy way to deal with being apart.
Being considerate and taking time to understand the Flight Attendant lifestyle will really help strengthen your relationship and make them appreciate you more. Understand that they will be tired after flight, often suffering from jet-lag and trying to adapt to the time difference. Allow them their space and time to readapt.
When Flight Attendants get to their destination they may just want to sleep for a few hours before they do anything. Before you jump to conclusions about your partner’s whereabouts, take it from me as an ex Flight Attendant, there is usually only one of two things on our mind post-flight – sleep or food.
DATING A FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Extra tips to help your relationship with your Flight Attendant girlfriend / boyfriend / partner:
- Ask your Flight Attendant partner to send you a copy of their monthly schedule (even though it is likely to change at some point). This way you can see when they will be working, where they will be flying to, when they will need rest, and when they have days off that you can spend together. You can always track their flight number on Flight Radar too to see their flight progress.
- Take an interest in your partner’s job. Most Flight Attendants really love their job and love talking about it so if you take some time to understand it they will really appreciate it. Taking the time to understand a little bit about the lingo and acronyms your Flight Attendant partner uses when they are talking about work. Words such as bidding, standby, reserve, briefing, Crew Control, layover, outstation, turnaround are good ones to start with. If there’s ever words we use that you don’t understand – don’t be afraid to ask us. We honestly love explaining our aviation terminology, it makes us feel super smart.
Dating A Flight Attendant Summary
So as you can see, there are lots of perks as well as downfalls when you choose to date or marry a Flight Attendant. It’s one thing casually dating Cabin Crew, but a whole other thing to be in a serious and long-lasting relationship with them and it’s certainly not for everyone. They say it can be easy to catch a Flight Attendant but hard to keep one, and that’s very true, so give yourself a pat on the back if you’ve managed to build a serious relationship with one of us! It is definitely possible to have a very healthy relationship with a Flight Attendant, despite what anyone says. If this person seems like they could be the one, go for it. If you’re both serious and willing to give it a go it can absolutely work.
Ultimately if you want to keep hold of a Flight Attendant there are sacrifices you’ll have to make and challenges you will face. However if you can learn to see the challenges as positives, then you can have a really strong and healthy relationship. And just remember out of all the choices out there (and Flight Attendants have a much larger dating pool than your average Joe as we are able to always travel, visit so many places and meet so many people), if a Flight Attendant has picked you to be their partner that is a big thing!
And of course, don’t take my word as gospel, and do look at several different resources and actually what that person says they need if you are really intent on catching a certain Flight Attendant. What works for some may not work for others, but these are a general rule!
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